Memorial gathering without a blessing

At any time and in any place

There is no official form and no deadline for a memorial gathering. At a church funeral it is usually held right after the blessing, but after a direct cremation you choose the time yourselves. The gathering can be held a few weeks after the cremation or only when the urn is lowered, which may be months later. The only legal time limit concerns the ashes: they must be placed within a year of the cremation. The memorial gathering and the placing of the ashes can happen on the same day or separately. You choose the place freely: home, a restaurant, a parish room, outdoors or the cemetery. The gathering can be small or large, quiet or talkative. What matters most is that it feels right to you and matches the wishes of the deceased. If the deceased said in life what kind of gathering they hoped for, that can be the starting point.

Forms the gathering can take

The memorial gathering can be any of these or a combination of them. In Helsinki a parish room is free for church members; other venues and the catering are invoiced according to the provider's price list. No form is more worthy than another. We are glad to tell you which form suits your situation, the number of guests and the place where the ashes are placed.

• A shared family meal at home or in a restaurant; a short speech or a moment of silence at the start of the meal.
• Coffee at home: a memorial table, photographs and free sharing of memories.
• A private room in a restaurant for a larger group; the catering and schedule are agreed in advance.
• A parish hall or another parish room; for a church member the room is free in Helsinki.
• When the urn is lowered at the grave or in the memorial grove; the verger guides, and a pastor can attend on request.
• Outdoors in a place that mattered to the deceased; scattering is possible with the landowner's permission, see the guide Collecting the urn and placing the ashes.

A simple programme

The programme need not be long. One speech and one piece of music are quite enough. Below is a frame you can shorten or add to according to your situation. Agree in advance who opens the gathering and who gives thanks at the end, so that nobody has to guess in the middle of it. Write the frame down on paper if that helps.

• Opening: one of the family welcomes the guests and says how the gathering will proceed.
• Music: a favourite piece of the deceased, recorded or performed live.
• Memories: one or more short speeches; guests can also share their memories.
• Condolence cards: the cards received can be read aloud, or the reading is left out and a relative thanks everyone for their sympathy.
• Refreshments and free conversation.
• Thanks: a relative thanks those present; if wanted, the thanks are published in the newspaper or sent by card.

The memorial table, photographs and music

A memorial table is a simple way to make a room look like a memorial gathering. Traditionally the table holds a white cloth, a candle, a photograph of the deceased and flowers. You can also place objects that mattered to the deceased on it, such as a book, a tool or a piece of handicraft. If the urn has already been handed to you, it can stand on the memorial table during the gathering. Photographs can be framed on the table, in an album passed around, or shown on a screen if the room has one. The music can be the deceased's own favourite pieces, and it need not be limited to any style. You order flowers directly from a florist; they are not included in our prices. All of this is optional. A gathering without a memorial table is still a memorial gathering, and a small gesture is enough when it is your own.

Who speaks and who invites

It helps if the gathering has one host who opens and closes it. The host can be a relative or a friend; no separate speaker is needed. If you wish for an outside speaker, that can be arranged, and their fee is invoiced separately. The invitation can be given in person, by message, by card or in the newspaper death notice. A death notice is optional; if you do not publish one, the invitation travels by phone and messages. State the place, the time and whether it is a meal or coffee, so that guests know what to expect. There is no rule on dress. Dark clothes are the custom, but the deceased may have wished otherwise, and lacking a dark suit is no reason to stay away. You can mention a dress wish in the invitation, so that nobody has to wonder.

At the urn in the cemetery

The memorial gathering can be joined to the lowering of the urn. The time of the lowering is agreed with the parish union's burial services, and we make the booking for you. At an urn grave, in a memorial grove, in a columbarium and at a family grave the closest family usually take part, and the cemetery verger guides them. In a scattering area the verger scatters the ashes without the family, so then the memorial moment is held elsewhere. At the grave you can hold a short moment: music, a few words, laying flowers and silence. Afterwards you can move on to coffee or a meal. If you wish for a pastor at the grave, that is possible on request, and the pastor's service is free. For a Helsinki resident the lowering costs the 150 euro burial act and, depending on the place, for example 90 euros in a memorial grove or 180 euros in an urn grave. These parish fees are not included in our prices; we tell you them in advance.

Our arrangement service for 290 euros

If you do not want to handle the practical arrangements yourselves, we do them for you for 290 euros. The service includes booking the venue, ordering the catering and drawing up the schedule of the gathering with you. The venue and catering are invoiced according to the provider's price list, and we tell you the prices before anything binds. The service can be added to the order at once or later, since the date of the memorial gathering is often still open after the cremation. The costs of the memorial gathering are funeral costs that can be deducted in the estate inventory, so keep the invoices. If you arrange the gathering yourselves, it costs nothing with us, and you can still ask us for advice. Flowers, a death notice and a possible outside speaker are not included in the service and are ordered directly.

A blessing can be added later

Direct cremation does not rule out a blessing. If you decide that you want a church blessing, it can be held at the urn after the cremation, for example in a chapel or at the grave. Every church member has the right to a blessing, and a non-member can also be blessed if the relatives request it; the deceased's own will about a blessing must be respected. The pastor meets the family beforehand, and the pastor's service is free. The blessing lasts about half an hour. For a deceased who was not a church member, the chapels at Helsinki cemeteries charge 400 euros on weekdays and 630 euros on Saturdays; for members the chapel is free. If you know from the start that you want a blessing at the coffin before the cremation, the package Cremation with blessing costs 1,950 euros and includes the chapel booking, the officiant or speaker and the bearers.

What you can leave to us and the next step

If you wish, we handle the venue booking, the catering order and the schedule for 290 euros, as well as booking the urn lowering with the burial services. You decide the date, the place, the programme and the guests. Nothing needs to be decided at the time of the cremation; the memorial gathering can be planned calmly afterwards. If you want a blessing, we tell you how it is agreed with the parish. All prices are shown before anything binds, and the venue and catering are invoiced according to the provider's price list. Call us or start online; nothing is binding until we confirm the arrangements by phone. You can also get in touch when the cremation has already taken place and you are only now thinking about what kind of gathering you would like to hold.

Frequently asked questions